Going or not going

Last week I had two appointments.

On Monday morning, I had a birthday to go too. When I woke up that morning, I felt so strongly to cancel it. Make some excuse not to go. But that is not fair to a little boy that turned four. The whole morning I felt an inner struggle, going or not going. Eventually it was time to go and I went.

I did had a great time. I enjoyed it, around 1 o’clock I left. I could have stayed but I felt tired and wanted to go. I felt like I had socialised long enough and I wanted to get back to my desk to draw.Random1

Sunday before my best friend called or I wanted to go out for a day with her and her kids. My first response in my head was, no. But I said yes because I knew it will be a nice day. And I don’t go out with her kids that often. Then my mind went kind of crazy. I felt a bit overwhelmed. I knew there is no reason to feel that. I had enough me-time this week. At the same time, I didn’t feel like I had no me-time at all this week. It is such a contradicted feelings/thoughts.

I was glad when she texted me Tuesday that we won’t go on Wednesday because of bad weather. But how about Friday? Yeah sure… And again I felt contradicted, but not that strongly anymore.

Thursday evening I realised why I felt contradicted about. I didn’t knew where we were going. She hasn’t figure it out yet, depending on the weather. As soon as I knew I felt a bit more relax, and also had the time and place where to meet. Then I was looking forward to it. I did texted her that I won’t be staying for diner, because it was going to be a long day.

I was glad I went, because I had a wonderful time. I enjoyed every bit of it. I was tired when I got home but satisfied.


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