Pretend

When people ask me how I am doing, sometimes I just pretend and say, I am doing fine. Just put on a mask and pretend because sometimes I just don’t want to think about how I really feel that day. Sometimes I just don’t want make the negative feelings bigger then it is. I choose not to make it bigger. It is there, I accept that as a fact but I will not make it bigger.

I just now realise, while writing this, why I pretend sometimes. Simply, not to make
negative feelings bigger, that the negativity control my thoughts and me. Funny, writing this suddenly makes me aware of why I do it. I think I never will stop pretending to some people because I know they just ask only because they have to ask or I just know they do ask because they do have their best intention but don’t really processing what I am telling.

Luckily, I have a small group of people around me to who I can say honestly how I am doing. I have notice that I preimagestend less and less with them. Last year was for the first time I honestly told a few people that I am struggling with depression. I do realise I am fortunate not have a very heavy depression. By telling them honestly about it made it whole lot easier to say how I really doing today.

It feels good that I don’t have to pretend with some people. I do choose however not to talk about it all the time, as I said before I just don’t want to make it bigger then it is. It is only just a small part of me. It does not define who I am. I am more then all that physical and mental problem. It did shape me to who I am today, but I just don’t let it control my life.

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5 thoughts on “Pretend

  1. I used to do this all the time. There’s good and bad about pretending, isn’t there? Sometimes, if I pretend I’m not embarrassed or sad or miserable, I actually feel better. And sometimes it feels like I’m lying. Knowing when to pretend and when to be honest is a fine line, isn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wonder too if you “pretend” and say you’re fine if you don’t want a lot of attention about how you really feel? It seems like an introverted type of response-to not have to talk too much to another person. Like if you don’t engage them in a deep conversation, you can just go back to your own little world. That might be another reason. And you also don’t want people to fawn all over you and feel sorry for you. So I think those are some other reasons to pretend. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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