I love the blog of INFJoe and his cartoons. He posted last week about work. It made me think of how it was for me at work.
I wish I knew that I was an introvert when I was still at work. I had a two outgoing colleagues. When the first re-organisation came, a few of my colleagues had to go. With most of them that had to go, I was getting along well.
Sadly one of the two outgoing colleagues was, put it nicely, a bitch. Sorry, I guess I just can’t put it nicely. She stayed! I really was worried how I was going to survive this. Especially those two became very good friends. Other colleague worked only 12 hours and sometimes he had to go to other departments in the country. So he wasn’t always around.
I was so different then they were. I felt in constant battle with that, well, bitch. Luckily I wasn’t the only one who thought of her that way. But they weren’t working with her on the same team. And I was with her for hours. Luckily I didn’t work fulltime. But still!
However, she has learned not to mess with me when we were working together and her friend wasn’t around. When it was just two of us she was answering the phone and worked a bit harder than usual. When those two were together, they sometimes just don’t stop talking. I am like, please stop, go back to work! Her friends always picked up the phone and do other stuff for her. I always was like, don’t pick up. Let her do her job; don’t help her be lazy at work.
My manager was no help at all. She listened to me and told me what I should do. Kept saying she will talk with her. She just couldn’t handle her. I felt less and less myself at work. I crawled in my shell. Sometimes I just thought, if I just could show them who I really am. That I felt comfortable enough to joke around, talk and all that stuff. I just couldn’t and beside I was also struggling with physical situations that caused a lot of pain.
I loved what I was doing and I was good at it. I loved working with my other colleagues from other departments. They respected me for who I was. It takes time for me to be more myself towards them. With some who are very outgoing, takes a bit more time but eventually we all get along.
All those years I didn’t knew I was introvert. I just thought I was such a quiet, insecure woman who doubted herself. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I adapt and be more like them? Why can’t I be more outgoing? Now I know why!
Thanks to second re-organisation the problem was solved, my whole team was laid off. Unfortunately, I still have no job but at least she is out of my life!