It was a busy day yesterday.
In the morning, I had my first counselling with psychologist that works for the family doctors in the practice. Not sure, what to expect and or she can help me to deal with those gloomy, sombre feelings I have for months. It was a good talk. She asked many questions, some made me think, which is good.
I can’t think of any reasons why I am feeling this way. When I stand on the scale and see I have lost weight, I am only happy for a second. It is like, I can’t stay happy or hold on to that feeling.
The last two weeks my head started feeling crowded again. It started feeling chaotic again. My gloomy, sombre feeling was getting less, but now I notices that it is coming back again and I think somehow it is related with how my head is. So the more chaotic it becomes the gloomier I get, apparently. That was what I realise during our talk.
We decided that I start with the self-help book ‘Negative Self-image’. I have use it last year but never finish it. I do the assignment and then I take the book with me and we go talk about it. The possibility is that I feel this way is that I might have low self-image and I am not aware of it. We start with that and see where it leads too.
Then I am thinking, is my perfectionist also not more controlling? I like to have everything organise and unlike how I was in the past, I for sure clean up everything after I used it. I even clear up my clothes; normally I do that once a week or so. Now I do it every evening. Honestly, I like it, it gives me some peace that I have done it and don’t have to think about it and keep postponing it. In two weeks, I have next appointment.
Then I picked up my mom, she was coming over. My dad was gone whole day. I have many pictures I want to hang on the wall. Like Esher, Peter the Rabbit, Anton Pieck and other few things. I kept postponing it. My mom and I were going to do that.
We started with Anton Pieck, I had so many that I found it hard to choose. Then I said for fun, why not just tape it all on the wall. We were like, yeah, why not. So we started! After lunch, we went go to the mall to buy some stuff. Back at home we continued. While working on it, I realised, it makes me happy seeing that wall. Unfortunately I don’t have enough to cover the whole wall. My mom said she going to buy new Anton Pieck agenda for next year. Somewhere in 2018 the wall is finish.
But I am happy with it and that is what matters. In the last post I posted picture of it.