I have it, but I am not…

As you know, I have fibromyalgia. But it doesn’t define who I am.

In 2004 fibromyalgia controlled my life, everything. Because of it, I got in a deep depression. I obeyed fibromyalgia; I allowed controlling me. In 2005, I decided to change and worked hard to get out of it. Turn around the roles. I am who I am and I just happened to have fibromyalgia, like I happened to have hearing problems. Realising that I am not fibromyalgia was for me a huge turning point. It is the same with depression. I have it, but I am not depression.

It is however a normal process. It is a part of dealing with it. The danger is, never turn around the roles. Some people just stick in that role and allow whatever happened to control their lives. Maybe for some reason they feel safer to be in a victim role. But it is not helping you making progress. It does give you attention in a wrong way, or possible it can chase away your friends.

Physically I feel it is in balance, but I worked hard on it and I will always have to work for tumblr_ngc9gdfs5o1rkc1xto1_500it. Or I will pay the price for it. My close family and close friends know how hard it was sometimes for me and how hard I worked to be where I am today. Of course I have to adapt to the limits that my body have. I also learned to try to step outside the boundaries, to find out or I can do more or not. Through the years, I have learned to listen to my body and made a pact with it. But it doesn’t control me. We have found a way to deal with each other. Of course, I’m realistic enough to know that I will never be able to run a marathon. I never thought I could walk for two hours again. If I had listened to fibromyalgia and other physical issues, I would never be able to walk more than 10 minutes. Like last Saturday, I walked with my friend for two hours. Testing boundaries is not always easy. It can be another very disappointing, confronting moment, you still can’t do that! On the other hand, it can be a victory, you manage to work hard and you can do more then you thought.

I am also aware that especially with fibromyalgia you can’t compare it. One can be a lot worst and no matter how hard that person works for it, it won’t change. I am just lucky that fibromyalgia is not that strong and that I was be able to make progress.

I think it is important how you look at it. You can say, I am … or I have… It is a huge difference but changing that way of thinking definitely helped me to make progress. I’m realistic enough to know it will always be a bumpy ride.

I am me and I have…


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