Am I a perfectionist or just want to be very organised?
One thing I know I can be such a perfectionist sometimes, like with drawing. I have made a drawing but never finished it. Even though others didn’t saw the flaw, I did and I know it is there. In this case, I can’t cover it up. Normally I try to cover it up by changing here and there.
But am I a perfectionist if I clear up my stuff before I go upstairs to my bed? I don’t think so. I just like the idea when I come downstairs in the morning that everything is cleared. That way I can find things easier and I don’t have to waste my time to clear up things. It uses to be very different few years ago. I even put my clothes away if I am not going to wear it the next day. Sometimes I even scare myself for being so organise these days. Really, I wasn’t like that at all!
One thing I realise, if I want to go for it with my plans then I have to let go some of my perfectionism. I want do the right way, perfect. I set the standard already very high, but I am realistic enough not to have high expectations. It need time to grow and develop. I just want to do the right way. I rather want spend time on drawing instead all those things around it. But I have no choice and have to spend time on that as well. Then I feel overwhelmed by it. I write everything down in my notebook so my head won’t be that chaotic. I can work down the list. It is just… sometimes I just don’t know where to start. Then I feel Mr. Chaos coming back in my head again.
I did however ask few friends of mine to help me. It is a big step to ask for help because I rather do it all by myself. But I can’t and have to reach out. Also, let go Miss Perfectionist.
Suddenly I realise that I have difficulty with focussing on some aspect because I just don’t know what to write or how or where to start. Also. my insecurity gets in the way. That is why I hope with the self-help book I manage to get over it and move forward, believe in myself and that I can do it.
There is one aspect that still kind of hold me back and next month that aspect is gone. Then I know for sure I feel freer to go for it and spend all my time in realising what I want to do! I simply have to believe in myself and tell myself, I can do it!!