Last Wednesday I went to see psychologist again. We also talked about me going out on my own. It is strange for me as an introvert not daring going out on my own. But then again, being an introvert doesn’t always means you are a loner. It just you love me-time, time to recharge alone and just stay home, not have to socialise for a moment, clear your head.
Anyway, she asked me what is the reason that I don’t dare to go out on my own. Going to a museum alone is less difficult than going alone to a movie. When she asked me that, I said, it is more what others will think of me. Especially if I go on my own to a movie, won’t they think, gosh, how sad, she has no friends or anything negative. Then I realise, I fill in what I think others might think of me in a negative way. I shouldn’t care about it. A good friend of mine, I see her tomorrow, said she goes to a movie on her own now and then. I was like, why can’t I? Of course I can do that, is just I have to learn stop worrying about what others think of me, or fill in the negative way. Writing this, I realise that it means I think negative about myself.
My country has a special museum year card, I can go for free to over 400 museums in my country. The only thing is I have to travel for it because in my town there are only about 3-4 museums and some very, very small. That means I have to go to other towns, which means I have to make some travelling costs. I don’t have the money so I can visit a museum every week. I decided I will go to a museum every other month and I do it town by town. Not sure, in which town I will start with. I might start with Rotterdam. It is a town I know well and I enjoy walking around there. I told myself ‘in November I will go visit a museum’. If I feel, comfortable enough the next step will be going to a movie on my own. I feel like, I should do it all now, only just to get it done. That is not how it works and it is getting overwhelming for me. Then I start postponing it again.
I also have to stop to fill in what I think others might think, especially in a negative way. Because the funny part is, I admire those people that go out on their own, I don’t think negative about them. I always think, wow, I wish I was you.
Now I have to Google around what kind of museums Rotterdam have and make a list. I have been to one; I really liked that one, so maybe I might go there again, but this time on my own.