Last Wednesday I went to see psychologist again. It was a good talk. As you know, I also work on self-help book, negative self-image. I had to figure out what my negative self-image is; ‘I am not good enough’ was the first thing that came up. Now had thought about it for a while and I realise I have been feeling down, towards depression, because of that thought that I had of myself without being aware of it.
Then I had to write down positive self-image, ‘I am good enough’. And that is what I am going to work on it, that I think this way of myself. That I am good enough, just as you are! That can also be the reason why I can’t keep up the healthy eating habits. Because, why should I… I am not good enough; I am a quitter and go on…
But I am not that, for sure not a quitter! I have gone through a lot in the last 13 years and learned that I am a fighter. I know I can do this! That is something I have to keep repeating myself until I believe that and a part is of me. Talking with my psychologist for sure helped me, give me new perspective. We also go to work on my eating problem. I am such an emotion eater. In a decade I have gained and lost weight. In 10 years I have lost 18 kilo, not sure, what is in pounds, but it is a lot. And yet I tell myself, you not there yet, is not the end result and you still have moment that you eat only snacks! No of course it is not, but come one, why can’t I celebrate on the fact that I have lost that much, even though it took me a decade.
And now I am at chapter four from that book, I have to add something extra to the white book, positive qualities, character. Not sure how I have to translate ‘positieve eigenschap’ to English. But I think that is the closest to the meaning of it. I found it hard to see positive qualities without feeling all cocky or bragging. But it is very important to knowledge those qualities because the negative side never saw or knowledge it. By accepting it, you going to change from negative thinking to positive thinking. When I have done that for a while then I have to make a list of all those positive qualities. When I have more about 40 or more, really there is even some one that manage to get more then 100, hard to believe that. Then you go memorize the list and you got one minute to write as much as you can down. Every day until you believe and feel it. When the list is getting longer then you go extend the time to 2 minutes.
Well, let’s go to work then!