Last Friday I had a lovely afternoon with my good friend and her family. Her son kept asking me to games with him. The fun part is, I enjoy playing those games as much as he is. I can act like a kid again and truly enjoy it. But of course you play by his rules and accepting that he is the only one that is allowed to cheat and not me. O well, I had a great time! And every time when I am there he always ask me to stay for diner. But I always left before diner. This time, I was like o well why not! And beside it was a typical Dutch winter meal I hardly eat. So yeah, I stay!
I was touched by her concerns over me. I told her I felt sombre for few months, but that it is getting slowly better. She was sad for me and had a bit tears. We talked openly about it. I also told her honestly what I thought of myself without be aware of for all those months, that I am not good enough. But I work on it and I am good enough and loved. I made her clear that I have no depression because it doesn’t feel like depression. I know that because I had it twice and I have no intention go back there again.
It is nice that I am be able to talk with my friends about it without be afraid to be judge by them. Also they know that is not the only subject that I keep talking about, books is the other subject I love to talk about. We talk about it and then move on to the next subject. With most friends, I have a short serious talks and lots of laughter. But I know I can always talk with them when I have a hard time, the only thing is, I hardly do that. I think we all do that, we just don’t want to bother others with it.
But I do text a lot with two friends, and sometimes I am texting with them at the same time. And let me tell, is not always an easy job. Because I have to switch back and forth from Dutch to English. But I always enjoy it chatting with them. And they always make me laugh with their goofiness.
With another friend, I text couple times a week, and sometimes more or less. I enjoy our chats too. But I know that most friends of mine will be there for me when I need it. Some live well a bit far away (according to the Dutch standards) and a couple friends live closely.
Anyway, I am grateful and happy that I wonderful friends, and glad to know that I am not alone.