November was not a great month. I felt strongly that depression was getting stronger last few weeks. And the pain in my neck wasn’t helping either. Last week I became more emotional and everything was a bit too much again. I felt that this time that sombre feeling also became more darker, more in the direction of depression. It started becoming also sombre thoughts. It sounds maybe strange, but I rather have only sombre feeling then sombre thoughts and feelings. It is just as long as it were feelings somehow are easier to deal with. But when it becomes thoughts then it can’t kind of control me more and is harder to snap out of it. Thanks to my wonderful friends is it easier for me to talk about it with them, even though is sometimes hard to understand, but they are there for me.
I did nice things too which I enjoyed. I went with my mom to Christmas fair in garden centre. I went to see my friends and that is always a joy. Saw a lot of movies on TV, didn’t read as much as I would love too, but did got loads of books from the library. I haven’t been able to update the booklists yet. I will do that soon.
Now the busiest month has arrived, December. In the Netherlands is for some families very, very busy time. We have Sinterklaas (the real Santa Claus) on December the 5th. My family don’t do anything about Sinterklaas. Long time ago we have chosen to celebrate with small presents on Christmas Eve. My sister will have operation on her shoulder next week and will be in sling for 6 weeks, she even have to sleep with it. That means she will need lots of help. And instead celebrating Christmas Eve at her place, will it be here. Also have to go shopping for Christmas presents. So lots of things that will keep me busy.
In the meantime I still work on finding things that works for me. I keep trying different things untill I feel, yes, this is it! I also had a great talk with a friend that has two different kind of depression and told me to a test online. So I did and as I already knew, I am INFJ, what I didn’t realise that is was rare, according to the test there is less than 1% that is INFJ. Also I am definitely not assertive, only 13%. I am also a planner for sure, 78%. To tell you, I wasn’t surprise by it. That friend also said, she speaks from experiences, that I really have to take the time to find my way in all this, in who I am and that it is okay who I am. That it is okay that I really need a planner, structure in my life, that it is okay jus to be me.
Anyway… Lets December make a better month!