I finally feel I am on the right track.
I have my structure back and feel comfortable with it. I also have notice that I am more laid back when my planning turned out a bit differently. Because I know, I will get it done anyhow, maybe not today but for sure later in the week. And if it’s not that important maybe next week.
One thing that for sure helped me to get more out of my depression is cutting refined sugars out of my life. I will be honest, not every week goes that well. But I do eat hardly food that has refined sugars and that isn’t very organic. Physically I don’t feel that much different but mentally for sure. Because of that, I can take things easier. I am glad of this because couple of months ago I really thought for the first time that I might need medicine for my depression. For me that was the sign that I was starting to go downwards. Now I feel like, no, I don’t need it for now and hopefully for a very long time. Of course depression will always be a part of my life but it isn’t that present anymore.
Because of the fact that I feel mentally more stable I’m be able to get back to structure. And because I feel stable I can handle the change of planning better. I don’t get stress out, I don’t get upset about it or worrying about it. I am like, not today, there is always tomorrow. I am more laidback.
The way I do my planning these days, I even have more time to relax. I do still have to struggle with focus, especially when I am drawing. I somehow find it hard to focus, even though I have music on, I still find it hard. I distract myself by being busy on my phone or tablet. I decided to leave my tablet downstairs. Focus is still something I want to work on.
Another process I made is that I think less of I must or have to do it. Instead, I think more I want to do it. I don’t have to or must to. Of course, there a few things I must do, like grocery shopping or there will be no food. For a very long time I was thinking, I have to walk, but now, I think I want to walk because it relaxes me and I enjoy the nature. My way of thinking starts to change too and I am happy with this progress. Especially when you are a perfectionist, perfectionists think very often I have or I must. By changing that way of thinking, I feel more relax.
Of course, I will always have to work on it but I am glad and proud of the changes I made so far.