Since last week, I feel a cloud of gloominess over me. Out of blue, I started to feel that way again. This time I didn’t felt overwhelmed or upset by it. However, last Sunday was really a bad day. I emptied my mailbox and read a letter and for the first time I really got emotional over something stupid!
Since January, I haven’t been very emotional about anything. I still have some trouble with my ankle but I am not upset about it, I would have couple of years ago. Thinking, great, more physical bad luck. Now I think, it is as what it is. It is no point of getting upset about it; my body do its own way anyway.
But getting emotional about that stupid letter that was asking for more information I started to cry. It made me realise, I am tired and depression is luring closely again. Later that day I calmed down and had my overview back again. Worry is gone and realising that it was just a bad day and that depression was just a little too close by my side.
I still feel depression over me as a blanket but that is okay. It doesn’t control me. And having those moments are okay too, we all have those moments. I always try not let depression control me. Sometimes it is hard but I know it will be all right again.
I really have to say that it makes a huge difference knowing that depression is a part of me. Before that, I never really could explain why I felt that way, why I couldn’t feel proud or happy about something. Knowing now why is a huge difference because it makes it easier for me to accept those moments. Like right now, I write at the end of my journal, ‘I am good enough and it will be a good day’, I just don’t feel it that way. I write it down, I read it, but I don’t feel it. Not today, hopefully tomorrow.
But I have something nice to look forward to it, Friday evening I go to the movie ‘Guardians of the Galaxy, vol 2’. I can’t wait, especially when my friend told me that is even funnier that the first part and the first part was funny. And Saturday my best friend is coming over for a weekend, we have game and movie weekend.
Now I am off to get my new glasses.
I wish you all a lovely day!