It has been a while that I have posted a blog here. Is time to get back on track with this blog. I also have a Dutch blog and I got that now in my system. Now I want this blog get back in my system too.
In September, I started with antidepressant and I have to say, it does what have to do. I don’t feel depressed anymore, now and then gloomy but we all have those moments. In the first week, I did have bit trouble with side effects but that disappeared quickly. But unfortunately, in the long run, I do have some trouble with side effects. I feel like my immune system is weaker, I get so quickly a cold, is unusual for me to have a cold for a long time and lack of energy, not to mention memory loss. Also, fibromyalgia is bothering a bit more than usual.
With psychologist we looking at how can I deal with my gloomy but also how do I deal with lack of energy. I also talked to the doctor about it. I have to take it time and don’t do too much on one day. So I decided to let it go with the flow but I felt like that is not me, I started getting more gloomy recently. I felt that I had no control over things, that I let other things control me.
I decided to get back to what I need, write down every day what I want to do and plan it for a week and do nothing more than I planned so I get also my rest. I started this week with it again and it feels good. I also manage to cook every evening again. I had been eating unhealthy snacks. Somehow, I need structure and planning very much but I have to find a way not to be controlled by it. Time will tell how and what.
I do have notices that I forget things very quickly. When I think of something and walk to another room, I forget why. It is okay if it happens now and then but it happens at this moment every day. Is the same, I have to look it up on the internet, grab my phone and I forgot why I grab it or I get distracted by other things on my phone and forgot about it why I grab for my phone. It is like I just thought of it a second ago and I already forget what I wanted to write or say or do. I really have to write every down at this moment. I always had bit memory problems, especially when I feel overwhelmed by all the things I have must or want to do. But at this moment is a bit worst than usual.
Thanks to the antidepressant I, my creativity is coming back, slowly and enjoying what I do. I am grateful that I made that step.